Why We Need Trauma Informed Communication at Work
A central skill in every job and workplace is strong communication.
Communication or a lack thereof is also a frequent culprit when things don’t go as planned, or relationships are harmed.
Communication is also an umbrella term and if you’ve ever heard feedback to ‘improve communication’ you likely looked for something more specific and more tangible to take action on.
While we all have different communication styles and needs, all of us can benefit from a trauma informed approach to communication- regardless of whether we’ve experienced trauma. However, it’s important to note, that many of us have — over 70% of US adults self-identify as having one or more traumatic experiences in their lifetimes.
Trauma informed communication goes hand in hand with trauma informed workplaces and the principles to build these trauma informed cultures. These principles are Safety, Trust and transparency, Community, Collaboration, Empowerment, Humility and responsiveness, and Cultural, Historical, & Gender issues.
Like trauma informed cultures, trauma informed communication should acknowledge the existence and pervasive impacts of trauma and center supportive, informed communication styles where everyone has the opportunity to both speak up and be heard. It is also important to note that trauma informed communication actively avoids re-traumatizing survivors and notes that words matter and can also do incredible harm.
Building trauma informed communication styles is a great way for every team member to support efforts to build more trauma informed cultures in every organization they are a part of. So how can you build your communication skills to be more trauma informed?
How To Build a Trauma Informed Communication Style
Recognize and Appreciate Differences
Imagine each person with a suitcase they bring with them to work and everywhere they go. In the suitcase is all their knowledge, experience, skills, and abilities- those things that are needed for them to perform their job and what makes them a great partner and teammate. That suitcase is also filled with all their lived experiences — coloring their approach to life, work, and communication.
For most of us, we approach communication the way we communicate! But we all have different styles, needs, and methods that work best for each of us. While it’s easy to approach these differences with frustration, it’s important to focus on acknowledgment and appreciation for the myriad of ways we all communicate.
By pausing to recognize the differences, we can better position our own styles to suit those around us and offer more flexibility when communication styles are getting wires crossed. This is extra important if you are a leader.
A great way to start recognizing and appreciating differences is by reflecting on your own communication style. Think about how you approach conversations with different people, and how you best process information- do you like to brainstorm out loud or do you need time for private reflection?
As part of your reflection, see if you can put your style into words. For example, I might say- “I like to talk things out on the fly and will talk about any topic without preparation. I’m a verbal person and I like to talk through ideas and conflicts directly.”
Why is this helpful? If you can verbalize your own approach to communication- you can communicate it to others and let them adjust and offer their own style.
I’d also encourage you to proactively ask others for the preferred communication avenues and styles (and if you are a leader or in a position of power- ask them to share first, then offer your own preferences.)
For example, since I enjoy talking about things on the spot and I can be quite direct, if someone prefers time to reflect first and is uncomfortable with very direct conversations; we won’t have the most effective conversation.
Unless we can both verbalize our needs and adjust to the other person. We will also be more likely to offer each other grace and understand when there is a misfire in communication because we have a better understanding.
Openness
Approaching communication with openness is another key aspect of building a trauma informed style. It involves being receptive, non-judgmental, and willing to listen and learn from others. Here are some ways you can infuse openness into your communication style.
Practice Active Listening
Give your full attention to the speaker.
Avoid interrupting or formulating a response while they are talking.
Use non-verbal cues like nodding or maintaining eye contact to show you’re engaged
Stay present in the conversation and avoid distractions
Suspend Judgment:
Avoid making assumptions or forming opinions too early in a conversation.
Recognize that everyone has their own perspective and experiences that shape their views.
Be Non-Defensive:
If someone expresses a differing opinion or criticism, avoid becoming defensive.
Instead, try to understand their viewpoint.
Be Vulnerable:
Share your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences when appropriate. This can create a sense of mutual openness.
Ask Open-Ended Questions:
Encourage the other person to share more by asking questions that invite them to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings.
Avoid Assumptions:
Don’t assume you know what someone is going to say or how they feel. Let them express themselves in their own words.
Be Mindful of Body Language:
Your non-verbal cues can convey openness or closedness. Maintain open body language (e.g., uncrossed arms, relaxed posture)
Recognize and challenge any preconceived notions or biases you may have that could hinder open communication.
Openness takes practice, and that’s a great reason to start practicing today. Keep in mind it’s about creating an atmosphere of trust and mutual respect, where individuals feel heard and valued. By approaching conversations with openness, you foster stronger connections and deeper understanding in your relationships as well.
“Clarity Is Kindness”
I first heard the quote ‘clarity is kindness’ from Claude Silver, Chief Heart Officer/Chief People Officer at VaynerMedia and it sums up an issue I’ve found so frequently in my career. Oftentimes, especially in business, we are faced with delivering news or information that isn’t the most joyful or welcomed.
This is an uncomfortable spot to be in and it’s uncomfortable to be associated with bad news, especially when we have a genuine, caring relationship with someone.
The tricky part is, often without the clarity of the not-so-fun to deliver news, people are often working from a place without all the information they need, and it can oftentimes make the issue even worse.
Remember, while what you have to share may not be the best, providing clarity to someone- being transparent, is a kindness. This will help you move to communicate in the moments where you should, but it can be very difficult.
Empathy
I want to start here with a quick definition of empathy because it is often confused with sympathy and understanding is important to incorporating it into your communication. Empathy is ‘the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.’
Sympathy and empathy both refer to a caring response to the emotional state of another person, but a distinction between them is typically made: while sympathy is a feeling of sincere concern for someone who is experiencing something difficult or painful, empathy involves actively sharing in the emotional experience of the other person.
Practicing empathy in your communication style involves understanding and acknowledging the feelings, perspectives, and experiences of others. It’s about listening and responding in a way that shows you care and are trying to comprehend their point of view. Here are some ways to cultivate empathy in your communication:
Validate Emotions:
Acknowledge the other person’s feelings, even if you don’t agree with their perspective.
Use statements like, “I can see that you’re feeling [emotion]” or “It sounds like this is important to you.”
Use Reflective Listening:
Repeat what you’ve heard in your own words to confirm your understanding.
For example, say, “It sounds like you’re saying…” or “If I understand, you feel…”
Put Yourself in Their Shoes:
Try to imagine how the situation might feel from their perspective.
Consider their background, experiences, and circumstances.
Express Understanding:
Show that you understand their point of view by saying things like, “I can see why that would be difficult for you” or “I understand why you feel that way.”
Avoid Offering Immediate Solutions:
Sometimes, people just need to be heard and understood. Don’t rush to provide solutions or advice unless it’s requested.
Use “I” Statements:
Share your feelings and experiences in a way that focuses on your perspective, rather than assuming you know what the other person is feeling.
Respect Boundaries:
Be mindful of the other person’s comfort level in sharing their feelings. Don’t push them to disclose more than they’re comfortable with.
Offer Support and Reassurance:
Let the person know that you’re there for them and that you care about their well-being.
Psychological Safety
Psychological safety is the feeling or belief that you will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with questions, ideas, concerns, and opinions. It is vital to trauma informed communication; without it- you cannot expect to get honest and open dialogue.
You can build psychological safety in a conversation by leveraging the previous components we discussed and also focusing on building relationships that are safe with those you work with. If you are looking for more tools to leverage to create psychological safety on your team and within your relationships, this is an excellent resource — re:Work — Guide: Understand team effectiveness (rework.withgoogle.com).
Often times, trauma informed cultures are reliant on big changes to culture and systems, however the ever person can help their organization become a little more trauma informed by building their communication skills with the lens of traumatic experiences in mind.